#MotivationMonday-Victory & Defeat

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Hi! Thanks for returning to my blog today.  In meditating on today's #motivationmonday--I was reflecting on victory and also on defeat.  It's interesting-so often in times of defeat, we experience great victory.  We live in a world where society gives out signals that we are expected to maintain an air of perfection.  We're supposed to hold down hugely rewarding and successful jobs, raise a well-adjusted family, have a full and fascinating social life, investment portfolio, go on fabulous holidays, save the world, be an amazing healthy athlete--and be home in time for a nutritious dinner.  Wow, just writing that was emotionally exhausting. 

But the truth is--we are all far from perfect.  If we are honest, we all know that life is full of obstacles and defeats. And, sometimes stuff just happens. For example-my house caught on fire.  And, it was really awful.  We were displaced for almost two years.  I went through several stages of adjustment.  I experienced shock, anger, depression, and hopelessness.  Your home is supposed to be your place of security, comfort and safety.  I learned that after a fire, this sense of security can be lost and significantly disrupt the normality of daily life.  In fact, I could not have imagined the challenge of evacuation, relocation and rebuilding after a fire.  Ultimately, I was able to reach a stage of acceptance and move beyond the disbelief, bitterness and sadness.  Looking back, it was a time of significant personal growth.  I learned a lot.  I read a lot.  I learned to meditate, do yoga and breathe.  I was surrounded by friends and loved ones who truly cared.  And, I learned that some people didn't.  I learned that there is no innovation and creativity without failure-period. 

In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither knows victory nor defeat."  

A lot of people never bother to venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance.  The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect.  When we allow ourselves to be defined by what other people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable.  Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone. In fact, we are almost ashamed to admit we need help.  Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves.  It's as if we've divided the world into "those who offer help" and "those that need help."  The truth is-we are both.  I learned about the torture of perfectionism.  Perfectionism is self destructive and addictive.  It is a belief system that fuels this primary thought:  If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.  And one of our greatest fears-it's one that I faced.  What if I am not good enough?  Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.  You don't have to do it alone.  

Here's my advice-let go of who you think you're supposed to be; embrace who you are.  We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both.  Not at the same time.  Dare greatly.  It's your life.  Live it and love it.  If you want to change it-we have some tools to help you.  Check out your options at www.theshafferway.com.  I am here for you.  See you soon.  Warmly, Susan